Sin Bravely
By Dorothy H.
“Those who are too sure of themselves, too sure about just about anything, are a plague on serenity.”
~ Ernie Kurtz
Greetings, my name is Dorothy H. I am the founder and chair woman of WAFT IAAC and a founding member of the new wAAft Central. I have been inspired to write this article upon hearing of the death of Ernie Kurtz. I write this article solely as an individual. I am attempting to properly bracket Mr. Kurtz in the historical files of the wAAft movement.
Mr. Kurtz inspired me and supported me during a difficult period in my life where my leadership choices were publicly under attack. It would be Mr. Kurtz, and others like him, who gave me the love and support to keep moving forward for the greater good of the wAAft movement within AA.
My intent is to tell the story of how I was deeply touched by Mr. Kurtz’s selfless heart. I believe this story is an invaluable part of our collective wAAft history. I will also ask the reader to indulge me as I reprint the bulk of the email exchanges between Ernie and me. I do this because I want the full personality of the man expressed in his own words.
The Decision
When it came time to choose who would be the keynote speakers at WAFT IAAC, 2014, the Steering Committee, (SC) Pam W., Jonathon G., and I struggled for some time on who to ask. Pam W. suggested Marya H., who wrote a book about an atheist’s journey through recovery. I took her suggestion and wrote to Marya on January 3, 2014;
“WAFT IAAC needs you! We would like to ask you to speak as a keynote speaker in November 2014 in Santa Monica, California. Unfortunately we are not able to offer compensation for speaking, or for your travels or lodging, but we can offer you lodging in one of our member’s homes. What we do offer you is an opportunity to be a part of this historical event and to help keep the doors of AA open to everyone!”
Marya wrote back the next day;
“Dear Dorothy,
What a delight to hear from you and the WAFT organization. I would be thrilled to be of service at the convention next fall. I would be able to guarantee the Saturday night availability, but the Friday date is already booked. Would Saturday be a possibility?…Thanks very much for thinking of me, and I look forward to learning more!”
That an author of her caliber would accept an unpaid invitation to a start-up convention that had no proven track record and that was founded by people with less than five years of sobriety was astounding to me! In my excitement I wrote and released an announcement to our email list where I cited her full name and professional accomplishments, just as I would if Ernie Kurtz had accepted my invitation to speak. Because of my misjudgment and lack of understanding of the emotionality of AA’s tradition of anonymity, a group of West Coast Old Timer Men, (WCOTM) descended upon the SC with criticisms and accusations of nepotism and demands to disinvite her:
Was she a personal friend of ours?
Was she one of our sponsors?
Were we paying her?
Is she going to sell her books at the convention?
I was frustrated and hurt.
I had to take a step back and not respond to the line of questioning right away in an attempt to calmly balance out what was being said and to examine the passion behind it.
I asked Pam W. what her thoughts were about the idea of disinviting Marya.
Pam said to me:
“Dorothy,… we ARE women of honor. We have to stand by our choices.”
Women of Honor
I paused.
It was their passion that I struggled to understand.
Who were they?
They were men who had founded meetings and had been of service in multiple ways to suffering wAAfts.
They had suffered, sacrificed, and stood their ground through decades of god bullies and harassment to keep the rooms of AA open for people like me.
The WCOTM wanted what they thought was best for the wAAft movement.
“We ARE women of honor” spun over and over in my head.
I offered the WCOTM a compromise. If they didn’t like our first choice of keynote speaker they were welcome to become the speaker committee to find an additional keynote speaker. O. of the WCOTM asked if I had any recommendations. I told O. that the SC had been requested to invite the Reverend Ward Ewing to speak. You can read in more detail about that in a post by Joe C. of Toronto, Canada athttp://aaagnostica.org/2014/04/13/a-reverend-at-the-agnostic-aa-convention/ and the SC’s defense of the Reverend athttp://aaagnostica.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Steering-Committee-Statement.pdf
Once the Reverend had accepted our invitation, the WCOTM sadly began to use the Reverend as leverage against the SC to drop Marya. In the attempt to discourage the SC, the WCOTM began to slander Marya to her professional peers. N. of the WCOTM contacted Mr. Kurtz and slandered Marya’s character and honor as an AA member. I did not see the first letter to Mr. Kurtz, but I was forwarded Mr. Kurtz’s response on 5/25/14:
Hi N.
Well, you sort of asked for it –
First of all, be “good” alcoholics – do not even think of doing the WAFT gathering or anything else “perfectly.” I mean … what in the world will you do next time if this goes off perfectly? WAFT is, in a sense, in early sobriety; how fitting then that your organizers are not grizzled veterans. Though he probably would not qualify as a WAFT member, a Martin Luther motto – pecca fortiter, sin bravely – can at times be consoling.
Use Wayne (WARD EWING) a couple of times, if you have to: he is a grand gentleman, and he recognizes how important WAFT is to AA’s ongoing story. He will not mind, and he will be happy and even flattered that you feel free to use him as best fits your needs. I’m sure he has more than one set of ideas to explore with you.
I don’t know Marya at all, but I don’t think that people who breeze in and then out have the kind of commitment that WAFT wants and needs. You of course cannot uninvite her, and she may be being very generous and fitting you into a tight schedule and have a very good message for you, but set her up well-bracketed.
I think you are very much on the right track in not trying to replicate or imitate the larger AA or other gatherings. Especially no “circuit speakers.” Definitely do YOUR thing. Panels. Variety. Dialogue. Debates?
Suggestion: panels or presentations on the story [history] of the various WAFT, AAAgnostica, etc. groups. I am biased here, of course: I am an historian. But I do think that you guys and your various groups have a lot to teach and learn from each other. If you do these, BTW, please record them so you can send them to me. You are in a very real sense the cutting edge of current AA.
I also dare to suggest another topic: how might we best get along in the spirit of fellowship with the gung-ho “religious” types? Can we better realize and value what they add to AA? How might we help them understand what we are contributing to AA’s ongoing story?
Why does it so bug us that many seem to think that the normal growth curve in AA is to ‘mature into a belief in God’? What about the apparent evidence that today, at least, there seems to be an increasing curve of those who “mature out of a conventional religious understanding”?
~Ernie”
Frustrated and worried that Marya’s good name was under attack because of my mistake, I quickly wrote to Ernie to give him some background on the issue. I explained what our critics are criticizing us for was the reason why WAFT IAAC was possible, if it wasn’t for our young eyes on the WAFT fellowship we might resign ourselves by saying that traditional AAers are just out to get us, that change is not possible.
I explained how my error was being used by N. as an opportunity to attack Marya.
“That she is not going to be there for any significant part of the rest of the convention speaks volumes as to her commitment/lack thereof to what WAFT is about. It also speaks to the fact that your choice of her as any type of speaker was a bad choice…I suspect Marya’s message will be ‘buy my book(s).”
Lastly, I wanted Marya’s words on the subject to speak for her:
“Dear Dorothy,
Was SO excited to see the wonderful new details about the convention in my inbox today. This will be absolutely amazing! Please pass along my enormous congratulations to the committee on creating this historic opportunity for all of us…..I also want to express my appreciate to the committee for declining to withdraw me from the program due to my use of my full name in my work on the 12 Steps. The Reverend is correct–I have never referenced membership in AA, or any other 12 Step organization, by name. In 2011, CNN.com made an assumption about the nature of my sobriety and referred to AA specifically in an article about me. I am actually a member of three 12 Step organizations, and do not reference any one specifically in any of my writings. And, to give you a giggle–writing about sobriety is generally done for almost no money, and, far from being an advancement of career goals, writing to the sober community is seen in the publishing industry as a terrible mistake!:)
I hope you all are very well,
Marya’”
Ernie’s Contributions To WAFT IAAC 2014
Ernie quickly responded to me:
“Hi, Dorothy
Thank you for your message and your trust. I do appreciate and am grateful. I do find your enthusiasm and the outstanding witness of “young” sobriety very impressive. In many ways, I think, WAFT has what AA needs more of, and so I certainly hope that your convention is a real success.
Thanks again,
Ernie Kurtz”
Generosity
By this time, Mr. Kurtz was fragile and unable to travel. He was only able to get to one meeting a week yet he wanted to play a role in WAFT IAAC. Mr. Kurtz did what he did best, he wrote about AA and us WAFTs for WAFT IAAC’S website @ waftiaac.org/we/ . In the article Mr. Kurtz wrote for waftiaac.org he said,
“Those who are too sure of themselves, too sure about just about anything, are a plague on serenity.”
The only thing I was ever sure of during this period was that the convention was going to be a healing experience for wAAfts internationally. These criticisms were a frequent plague on my serenity. Pam W. and I began to joke regularly that,
“we were doing everything wrong yet we were doing everything right because we are doing it!”
The SC had faced a few loud bullying critics who disapproved of nearly every decision that we made, yet for every critic we had, we had 10 times more support. Mr. Kurtz’s support did not determine if WAFT IAAC 2014 was going to be a success or not. What Mr. Kurtz’s support did do was to help legitimize the convention. Not only did a respected scholar support the SC of WAFT IAAC and my leadership, he also defended our youthful sobriety, our right to be wrong and the right to create the convention on our terms. This helped ease my stress level and reassured me of the importance of the work I was doing. It deepened my determination to make the convention a reality. Most importantly, experiencing Mr. Kurtz’s kindness helped me not give up on the wAAft old guard.
Sadly, I was not able to keep in touch with Mr. Kurtz as the convention work became more intense for me and now the work on creating wAAft Central; time has quickly slipped away.
I regret that.
Yet, I am grateful that I had the honor to briefly know him and see the heart of a truly great man! I will always hold Mr. Kurtz in my heart as our wAAft history evolves.
I proudly place Mr. Ernie Kurtz in the historical record of the wAAft movement and the history of the first WAFT IAAC, 2014!!